Sometimes I wonder

if sometimes

is just sometimes.


How can one person have so many

contradicting thoughts

and collisions of feelings?


How is a girl

supposed to trust her decisions

when the opposite one is screaming?


Is it any wonder

that sometimes

avoiding it all

is most appealing?


Don’t you wish sometimes

that you could switch it off…

that ticking brain.


And that beating heart

that beats in vain,


Sometimes so loud

that you wonder

if it just wants to get out,


wants to get away from you,

away from the stress.

Away from the whole bloody mess.


I don’t like being at crossroads,

but should confess

that sometimes…


I wonder if I seek them out.

Because the direction I’m going

brings doubt.


And there are some days like today,

when crossroads allow.

that comforting loop.


Brought back to my routes,

I know where cracks are,

and can skip blindly again.


Avoid tripping up,

avoid feeling pain.


But what if it isn’t just sometimes?

What if sometimes becomes more times,

and more times becomes all times?


Sometimes I wonder

if I wonder just sometimes.


Zara M.


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