I sat in the laundrette last night watching my washing go round and round and round in the dryer, and it got me thinking about life; my life in particular. Actually more to the point it got me thinking about me, and in a wider sense, about people. Its funny don’t you think how we always end up back in familiar situations like we’re going nowhere really at all. I think I wanted to break the cycle, so I accidently caused a bit of a drama in a current situation in my life. But after watching the laundry go round I thought to myself – if you disturb a cycle don’t you ruin the end result? For instance, if I stopped my drying cycle before its time then my washing would still be wet. So hastily I repaired the dent in my situation and now I guess I am going with the flow and trying not to interfere.
It is difficult though, to go with the flow of a familiar situation when the original situation turned out so terribly wrong. There’s an instinct to back away from going down similar roads when you have experienced negativity at the end in the past. My personal reaction, which I am trying to adjust, is to run screaming for the hills and adopt a hardened approach to anyone being affected by my impulsive decision to run for for it. I have felt recently like I am sabotaging things because secretly I don’t want them to work, because if they are working it means I am back on that familiar path. Its a path I abandoned ages ago in favour of wandering free on my own in the wild. Now it appears I am reluctant to be reigned in.
But I suppose life doesn’t have to be an abandoned merrry-go-round, with that eery music that foretells a sinister destination to nowhere. Perhaps paths must be re-traced with different passengers on board for a more enjoyable ride. And perhaps being reigned in doesn’t necessarily have to feel like you are being restrained and attached to a cart; maybe someone potentailly special just wants to hop on your back and ride free with you into a sunset of new possibilities, and you’ll never know unless you allow yourself to be tamed to a certain extend to enable them to climb onboard.
So I am attempting not to interfere with the cycle. Sometimes Zara, it is best not to try and take control of your life like you do, because you’re not necessarily the only person in it.